I was chatting to a woman recently and mentioned that I’m a teacher.
She smiled.
“Oh! Early childhood?”
“No,” I replied, “High school.”
She paused, slightly surprised, then laughed.
“But you’re too sweet and soft to be a high school teacher!”
I smiled… but her comment lingered.
Because once upon a time, I believed that too.
The Story I Told Myself
When I first began studying teaching, I chose primary.
Not because I didn’t enjoy high school content.
Not because I disliked older students.
But because of what I believed about myself.
I’m nurturing.
I’m empathetic.
I don’t naturally command a room with intensity.
I’m not loud or intimidating.
And in my mind, high school teachers were.
So primary felt like the “right fit.”
It felt safer. More aligned with my personality.
I taught primary for five years — and I loved it.
But there was always a quiet whisper wondering whether I was limiting myself based on a stereotype.
The Myth of the “Right Personality”
Somewhere along the way, we absorb these unspoken messages:
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Primary teachers are warm and maternal.
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High school teachers are firm and commanding.
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Good behaviour management requires toughness.
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Authority comes from strictness.
But here’s what I’ve learned:
Students don’t need a personality type.
They need a person.
They need clarity.
They need consistency.
They need emotional safety.
They need someone who means what they say.
And none of that requires you to become someone you’re not.
Transitioning to High School
When I eventually moved into high school, I was genuinely nervous.
Would I be “too nice”?
Would students walk all over me?
Would I regret the change?
But something unexpected happened.
The very traits I once thought were weaknesses became strengths.
My empathy helped me read the room.
My calm presence diffused behaviour before it escalated.
My nurturing nature built trust.
My consistency built respect.
I didn’t need to harden.
I needed to be clear.
And grounded.
And authentically myself.
What Authority Really Looks Like
Authority isn’t about volume.
It’s not about sarcasm or fear.
It’s about:
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Clear boundaries
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Calm follow-through
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Emotional regulation
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Relational trust
You can be gentle and firm.
Warm and respected.
Kind and consistent.
They are not opposites.
To the Teacher Who Feels “Too Soft”
Maybe you’re early in your career and wondering:
Am I strong enough?
Should I be stricter?
Why don’t I feel like that teacher down the hall?
Let me gently say this:
You do not need to harden yourself to be effective.
Your empathy is not a liability.
Your calm voice is not a weakness.
Your relational focus is not “less than.”
In fact, for many students — especially teenagers navigating identity, pressure and insecurity — it is exactly what they need.
Students can sense authenticity.
And authenticity builds trust.
Trust builds engagement.
And engagement builds learning.
The Real Shift
The biggest transition wasn’t from primary to high school.
It was letting go of the belief that my personality determined my capability.
Your personality is not something to overcome.
It is something to refine.
When you stop trying to perform a version of “teacher” and start leading from who you actually are — that’s when everything clicks.
So yes.
I am soft.
I am nurturing.
I am empathetic.
And I am a high school teacher.
And those things are not contradictions.
They are the reason I’m good at what I do.
